Friday, February 12, 2010

LISTEN TO ME LEVI STRAUSS!

It finally dawned on me today that I might possible be old...er.  Older.  Old is a state of mind, and it is also a body size.  It's time that someone out there, preferably Levi Strauss, come up with a Signature jean for 10-P and 10-P Old-er.  

What is the first thing a woman wants to minimize on her body as she hits the Size Old-er?  Her ass, right?  So what is with all the big bulky pockets and designs all over each butt cheek?  That is not flattering, girls.  From the side you look like you have big lumps sticking out back there, and from the back you look like someone is playing a really cruel joke.  Is it not bad enough that we already have enough padding back there to cushion every player in the NFL?  I have to admit, the jeans were really cute from the front, but since most people will not be seeing me from the front, I passed.


Then there is this.  We do not, as Size Old-er, want to see our tummy fat flopping over the top of the waistband. Anything that I have to jump up and down in while pulling the waist up the same level in the front and the back, is going to button in a very unflattering way, trust me.

Relaxed fit?  ROTFLMAO!  I mean really.  All that means is that after we eat a piece of celery we can keep the damned things snapped, but it looks like wearing a canvas tent in the bottom and thighs.  


Here is what I want:  I want a pair of Levi Strauss (because they just look so strong and durable and keep their shape) to make a pair of jeans for Size 10-P Old-er.  I want the waist to sit somewhere close to right underneath my boobs for a little support there, or maybe even just have them button somewhere NEAR my actual waist which is not below my crack in the back, be straight-legged to make my legs look longer, and not have any pockets in the back. 

I came home with 2 pairs of jeans, one that buttons under my belly fat and one that promises it will make me look slimmer.  I can just about lay odds that when I get to my girlfriend's house tomorrow I end up in my ratty old jeans with no pockets, that are actually frayed on the bottom but have formed to my particular rear end and are comfortable.  

I am never going shopping for jeans again, so these things better frickin' last, that's all I can say. 


 

2 comments:

Magpie said...

I SO feel your pain!! Shopping for jeans is such a demoralizing task. And no two pairs are built the same. They can be the same manufacturer and same size and fit like day and night.
And I want to know who coined the phrase, "Mommy jeans"...and if they're a bad thing, why don't they go the way of the mullet???

YaYa said...

You do have a point here, you know? So that leaves me no alternative. I have to go to my closet, toss all my jeans and buy new ones!!! A shopping spree doesn't sound half bad!!