Saturday, March 06, 2010

NOW THEY TELL ME!

As far as I know now, as of this writing, no monkeys were ever hurt in the making of my impressionable little life.  Now they tell me!

And as far as I was concerned when I was between the ages of zero and fifty-three, my mother was a bitchy old monkey killer!  Okay, I figured it out long before the age of fifty-three, of course, but it makes the cadence of the story a little nicer.  

Yesterday I was eating dinner with Don and I somehow managed to bite my inner upper lip.  I "pulled the punch", though, and so the result is this big blood blister that this morning is swollen up and covers my upper teeth.  Surgery is in order, and the tools are laid out because that blood has to drain...I'm going shopping today, and this is embarrassing!

Anyway, as my teeth found that soft skin, I said, "Shoot a monkey!"  Now, I can't tell you how long it has been since I heard that phrase, but saying it caused a flood of emotions and memories to wash over me, so much so that I barely felt the injury happen at all.  I was sitting there holding my burger, smiling, staring out the window, not hearing anything else around me.  Don eventually began waving his hand in front of my face and asked what I was smiling at.  I said, "Oh, nothing, just a memory."  I just was not ready to share it with anyone right then.  

According to the Winthrop Slang Dictionary, saying, "Shoot a monkey," is equivalent to saying "g--damn it."  

So, now I know that never once did my mother just go frickin' nuts for a moment, maybe being controlled by alien voices in her head, like some people think the TV is sending them messages, grab her gun, and fly out of the house to murder some innocent monkey!  She was just cussing at a situation.  You just don't know how much better that makes me feel!  

Isn't it amazing how we store things in the deep recesses of our minds when we are younger so we can pull them out and use them when we're middle-aged and need something to totally embarrass our kids and grandkids with?  

I am so looking forward to the first time I can't find something in Walmart and have a pack of grade school-aged children with me, and about the time we run into the most popular kid in school I stop and yell out, "Shoot a monkey!!"  Oh, what fun I'm going to have then!

Here is a photo of an attractive-looking guy who is just happy to have survived my mother's lifetime and now sees the new matriarch of the family coming for him! 

            http://www.freemonkeypictures.com/wallpaper  /cmu473_monkey_outline_linedrawing.gif.html

2 comments:

Magpie said...

"Shoot the monkey" that's a new one for me...I often wonder where these things come from. I'm going to remember this one and say it in honor of your mother when I use it. Do you think she'd feel honored? Do you think she'll be smiling in heaven?

Kathy said...

I don't think she'll be smiling, I'm sure she's laughing one of those big belly laughs. She used to laugh so hard she'd have to sit down to catch her breath. That's the way I remember her...telling me a story about her Internet community, The Corkies. She'd get to smiling, then laughing. Very good to think you'll make her laugh like that!

I have a book called QPB Encyclopedia of Word and Phrase Origins where I can usually find anything, but I do not find "shoot a monkey." LOL. Thanks for honoring her!