Friday, January 09, 2009


I awoke this morning to another day of pleasant news: There's a new Salmonella outbreak. Well, not really "new." They have pinpointed the dates to somewhere between September 3, 2008, and December 29, 2008. That should make it a lot easier to figure out what food has been sending hundreds running into bathrooms and slamming the door shut behind them.

Myself? I think it is really pretty obvious what is happening: Cows are just frickin' sick of being butchered. They have finally had enough and are plotting to take over the world. We have been chasing the wrong terrorists. The real culprits are those big sad-eyed mooers that we all point at and say, "Oh, look, COWS!" when we drive past their seemingly free-roam homes. (We seem to think that if we make the hot wire thin enough, cows won't realize it's there and will feel more free before being herded off and made into T-bones). Somehow, they have developed a Salmonella gene that is heat resistant.

That's my theory.

Well, that or the rocket scientists working at McDonald's don't heed the little warning sign in the bathroom: "All employees must wash their hands before leaving the restroom." First of all, if you have to have a sign reminding them of that, then really, know what I mean? And second, do you really think that big bad sign is getting sharp teeth and growling at them as they get up off the toilet, forcing them into submission at the sink? I doubt it.

Then, though, if that sign IS working, you have to wonder if there are cameras maybe hidden in the bathroom...criminy, I'm never eating or peeing at McDonald's again!

1 comment:

Tracy said...

Well, they say terrorists are COWards.