Sunday, July 18, 2010


Inspired by my cousin's posting of an article from our hometown newspaper, I am going to preview MY big trip here, and if everyone likes it, I might submit it for consideration to The here goes:

As is normal for Kathy before she travels, she only slept about four hours the night before in anticipation.  Being too cheap to purchase her own ticket, she was going to travel on a buddy pass, or as most backwoods non-travelers call it, standby.  

She did not completely pack until the morning of the trip and then just went through her drawers and threw everything she owned into a suitcase, which she then had to have help carrying to and loading into the car.  She is such a hoot!  By the time she was in the car zipping toward Louisville to catch her 1:05 flight, and as a standby passenger was being routed from Louisville to Phoenix, then to Albuquerque (yes you read that correctly), she was a sweaty blob in the 100-degree humid steambath-like heat.  On the way she bought some prescription-strength antiperspirant which she took the time to rub all over her body.  

It did not help much, though, when as she approached the on-ramp for her Interstate, she saw there was an actual traffic jam on the ramps from both directions, with cops directing traffic.  I know that you are going to immediately say, "Holiday World!"  That is where they were all going, that giant park in Santa Claus, Indiana, that was what all this traffic mess was about...she grabbed the prescription-strength antiperspirant and did another rubdown.  

Watching the clock tick off the minutes, she breathed a sigh of relief as she approached the bridge crossing the Ohio River into Louisville, Kentucky, but  By the time she arrived at the airport and parked, she was feeling a little stressed out, and it did not help when she read on the parking ticket kiosk, "Starting July 1, this lot now charges thirteen dollars a day."  Are you joking??  Too late to exit now.

When she walked into the airport she was surprised, no, shocked to see 500 people waiting in line at the Southwest counter to check luggage.  Kathy was already standing there with a security document, and had she just packed in a carry-on bag, would have zipped right through that mess to the gate, but, as luck would have it, she decided to take a suitcase full of everything, including all five pairs of flip-flops, with her.

Knowing she was not going to get the 1:05 flight to Phoenix, Kathy made the call to her friend waiting in Albuquerque and broke the news.  No big deal really, her friend said, just wait for the next flight.

Forty-five minutes later, she made it to the front of the line only to be told by the agent:  "You are not going to get a standby flight out of here today, you probably shouldn't even bother to check that bag because it will end up at your final destination without you, and Monday is going to be your first chance to get out of here."  

After collecting that 45-pound suitcase, her computer, and her Southwest-designed backpack (it is really adorable, she bought it in Venice, California, years ago and it still goes everywhere with her), Kathy found a seat and started making calls.

First call was to Susan in Albuquerque, who got all emotional and had thought, the first time she called, Kathy said,  that she was exaggerating about 500 people in line, but actually, she reports to The Press, she had  probably underestimated that figure.  Next call to Tracy, her cousin, who was going to have dinner with her at the Phoenix airport, who took it in stride, then a call to her housesitters, her daughter and son-in-law who had settled in real nice at her house and could barely disguise their disappointment at having to give up their free one-week resort, Kathy told the reporter, and then she called her boyfriend, Don, who was thrilled she was going to be home and could barely mask his excitement, so he went to sleep and she did not see him, she reported, until about five o'clock yesterday evening.

So now Kathy is back home, sitting in her king-sized bed on Sunday morning, the day after her fantastic trip began, talking to reporters.  She reported, "I'm going to try it again Monday.  The day wasn't a total loss, though.  I got to stop in Corydon, Indiana, on my way back home, to pee and ate great food at Burger King, the high-END one, and took some great cloud photos!"

We will keep you posted on the next leg of her journey.


Magpie said...

I think you might need to save this for the "Pink Press". Its way too exciting for the regular edition. :)

Tracy said...

I agree. This is Pink Press material. Hope to see you tomorrow, cuz!