I NOW SUBSCRIBE!

F

For about the last 5 years I have not subscribed to a newspaper.  There were several reasons for that, the biggest reason being that I was inundated with news; all the news all the time.  My job is a remote position, and being home all day long means there is a never ending assault with every breaking news story in the world.  Using the computer for work even makes it worse because it is so easy to click on those alerts and get the scoop during breaks or flip the TV on and watch the news during lunch.  At any rate, it was not that I wish to see newspapers fail.  I just preferred not to have them delivered to my door. 

My boyfriend, however, is even more a news junkie than I am, and it irritated him no end that I did not receive the local newspaper.  Every time he would come over he would be dying to have a discussion about some local news story I had never heard about, and every time he started the discussion, "Well, you don't get the Herald..." and he would proceed to bring me up to speed, then by the time the "discussion" part came around, I was sick of hearing about it already, because unless you read it for yourself, it really is difficult to become horribly enthusiastic about something.  The person telling it has already interjected their feelings or views, so there is nothing to learn about him on that topic.

It usually went something like this:

Don:  "Hi!  Hey, you don't get the Herald, but the prosecutor is in a LOT of trouble!"  (Here he explains what has been going on).

Me:  "What?  When did that happen?"

Don:  (Big sigh) Well, you don't get the Herald, but it started about three months ago."

Me:  "How could I possibly live two blocks from the center of the "lawyer hole" and not have heard this?"

Don:  "Well, you don't get the Herald..."

Me:  "I swear if you say that to me once more EVER I'm going to not only GET the Herald, but I am going to cram it right down your throat!"  

So last week, my friend Donna and I, went to Vincennes together, and when we got back into Jasper she said, "Oh, let's run past that new specialty food store real quick and see if we can get some fruit!"

I said, "What specialty food store is that?"


Donna replied, "Uh, the one that opened by your house about three months ago?"


I said, "Wait...seriously?"


And what do you think Donna said to me?  "Well, you don't get the Herald."


I actually growled at her.  I said, "How can I live two blocks from a specialty food store, ME, a person who loves odd foods and likes to cook weird stuff, knowing I can never find the ingredients and having to substitute, not know there is a specialty food store right down the street?"


It was neat, too, I tell you.  I am going to go down there with my camera in the near future and get some photos and blog about the place.  


After spending about twenty dollars in there on all sorts of exotic things, as we were getting back in the car Donna turned me toward her and said, 
"S U B S C R I B E  T O  T H E  H E R A L D!"


"Good grief," she said, "No wonder you never want to do anything or go anywhere...you don't know anything is going on!  Aren't you even curious about who gets arrested and what crimes are going on?"


"No," I replied, "not really."  


Yesterday my first daily newspaper arrived.  The very first one, the paper carrier laid it flat on my porch, and when I went outside, it was blown in about fifty different parts of my yard.  And then I got one today, and already I realize why I don't like getting the daily newspaper.  There are now two big papers full of all sorts of ads and coupons I will never use, laying on the floor by the sofa.  Within about a week, I am going to have run out of time to read them, and they will start getting thrown in the recycling bin before I even open them.  


But one very cool thing?  Today I had time to read one part, and it was "the scandal sheet" as Don calls it, and I found out someone very prominent went to jail for a DWI, and I also found out which kid hit the other one in the parking lot of a school, AND...there was a cool story about a dog on the front page.  I just think dogs are such awesome people.  


So, to anyone who has said to me, "You don't get the Herald, but..."  I GET THE FRICKIN' HERALD NOW!  Thank you for talking me into it.  I'm sending you guys the monthly bill, and someone better start figuring out how to make those fireplace logs out of newspaper before I am overrun here.