SOME BAD NEWS

I want you all to sit down now, and prepare yourselves for something I have to tell you that is pretty upsetting. Michael Jackson died.

This happened last week sometime, and I'm sorry that I'm just now reporting on it here. I am not sure of the day it happened, but if you ask one of a billion people, and that gives you a pretty good pool to choose from, they can tell you the day, the time, what he was wearing and any of a million other "facts" about the case.

Did you know they actually gave away tickets to his funeral to people who registered online for them? The funeral was at that comforting, quiet mortuary known as The Staples Center in Los Angeles. Michael, may he rest in peace and God bless his soul, might be buried at Neverland Ranch, if there is not too much controversy associated with that, or he might end up in a regular cemetery in LA, a beautiful place called Oak Lawn Cemetery, where many celebrities are buried.

I adored Michael Jackson's music, love Janet Jackson's music, and was just crazy about The Jackson Five, but even as a kid, I could tell they were just an act and there was no real warmth up there on that stage. Looking back at old videos now, it seems almost sad.

Here is what I hope for my own death: That I am lucky enough to be remembered and mourned by one person; that I make an just enough of an impact to have one person turn out to party at my final show; and that I never become a circus act requiring the use of The Staples Center for my send-off...amen.