Saturday, March 21, 2009

HERE'S WHAT HAS HAPPENED - A SHORT DIARY OF MY DAY

Mom died in August. I wasn't ready for it, as children never are. But she did. There's nothing that can be done about that now, there never was, of course. God knew her day and God reached down and took her home where she can live without pain and sorrow and frustration. Where she can travel to and from at will.

Then God played a joke and gave my dad cancer almost three months to the day of Mom's journey home. Well, it's not a joke of course, and God didn't mean for cancer to be the definition of my dad's last days/months/years. And maybe God isn't finished with him yet. I told him that today as we sat on his bed at the nursing home and sobbed together. Dad wants it to be over, but we talked about the fact that there's a day written down for him, and that it's not his day yet...and we talked about the fact that we don't get to choose our days...and I cried as I told him how much I love him and that if Cancer hadn't come knocking, I never would have gotten to spend this precious time with him.

But here's what happened today that kind of rocked my emotional world: My Aunt Alice took over as my mother. I was driving out to see Dad after having gotten her e-mail, and I stopped...literally I stopped the car and THEN pulled off to the side. I didn't pull of and THEN stop...first I stopped, then I looked in my rearview mirror to make sure I wasn't about to get hit from behind, then I pulled off and sat there thinking about how life has taken these twists and turns.

I used to think that Aunt Alice just happened to be part of my family. She was like a surrogate mom to me growing up. I lived at her house as much as at my own. Tracy was the sister I should have had and lost. Aunt Alice was the person who healed my heart when nobody else had time. Heck, I'm sure she didn't have time, either, but she dropped everything and did. Anyway, looking back at the events of my 52 years, I realize now how important it was that she was dropped in my path. A stoic, loving woman who has always given of herself without asking for much in return, my own mother dead and buried for the better part of six months now, I realized today that I feel about her the same emotions that I felt about my mom. She's still here for me, still e-mailing, still praying, still asking, still consoling.

Some people never get the chance to have a mother in their lives, I've had the good fortune of having two.

3 comments:

Reach With Your Heart said...

Enjoy every moment you have with all of your loved ones....this is what this life is all about....I love you with all my heart!! XXOO

Tracy said...

Usually I don't like sharing, but that woman is too good a woman to keep all to myself. She's pretty much everything I've always wanted to be but can't. I'm glad to know that she's able to help you through tough times the way she's helped me, and I know she loves you, too.

Angie said...

I am so glad to hear how you feel about Alice (grandma). You took the words right out of my mouth.

My mom (Judy) was sick for so long that I began to feel over the years like grandma was my mom.
As an adult I never had the opportunity to talk to mom about adult things due to her disease.
But I always knew I could ask grandma those life questions. Tell her stories about my life and she has always been there for me.

And Tracy...you know that you have always been in competition between me and grandma because I am her #1 grandaughter and her most favorite.

So really it has been me who has been nice enough to share gma with everyone else!!