Wednesday, January 27, 2010
I am way into football, but everyone needs a vice. That is one of my few. I cannot sit through an entire one-point-five-hour long movie, but plop me in front of the TV when my Indianapolis Colts are playing, give me a quilt and a cold beer, or two, maybe, three, and the next three hours cutsie Peyton Manning has my undivided attention.
But there are ads during the game. Ads for things that no human being should ever be exposed to...like Nutella. I had never heard of it, had never noticed it on the shelf at Walmart in the peanut butter section, but during my love affair with PM, they flash an almost subliminal message for this hazelnut spread that is laced with cocoa and skim milk and sold in plastic jars, just like Jif.
When I went to do my shopping last night, I honed in on the section where I usually pick up a jar of my same old low-fat blah Jif peanut butter, but instead of reaching for it, let my eyes wander the shelves, looking for Nutella. I now have it associated forever in my mind with being carried off the football field after a perfect winning season by the Super Bowl champ quarterback, his eyes locked on mine...WAKE UP!! Okay, no Nutella, until I looked up to the top shelf.
First of all, there is a reason they have to put this stuff on the top shelf. If everyone could reach it, we would all be having to attend a twelve-steps program to break our addiction. Children, especially, would be susceptible to being able to sneak it into the shopping cart when Mom was not paying attention, and how many times have you been behind a harried mom with a couple of kids and heard her say, "Where did this come from??" then watch her disgustedly throw it up on the conveyor belt to be checked out and taken home because she was too tired to cope with the situation?
Once I found it and climbed up a shelf to get my grubby paws on it, I decided that since it was so high up there and was a pain to reach, I better have two jars. When I got home and tasted this decadent drippy chocolate nutty gooey creamy stuff, I immediately went to Facebook to tell all my friends about it.
And guess what? They've been holding out on me. Yes, you heard right! They all know about it and have been closet Nutella addicts for years! Friends? Right. Of course, they were just kind of living with the adage, "Friends don't let friends discover Nutella." They all knew the implications. And none of them wanted to admit out loud they had a problem. I understand that. And once I had mentioned that I had put more than one jar in the cart, there were many, "Oh, no's!" that rang out. My brother said he went to the website where there is a disclaimer that this product is not endorsed by any health professionals. He said, "The stuff has GOT to be good!"
So, I want you to all set the Nutella jars down on the cabinet and back away slowly...and...
I'M GOING TO STEAL THEM ALL!!
Hi, my name is Kathy, and I'm a Nutella addict.
Yes, my lawsuit against the NFL for allowing the ad is in the works. Way to go, Peyton! Will you be in court? May I sit by you? I'll share the Nutella with you and your dreamy-eyed self!
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
It is 3:30 a.m. Sleep, once again, has come and gone and refuses to come again. My eyelids, apparently, took leave of my face and are refusing to come back to take up the sentinel position over the delicate globes they are sworn to protect. That could be because earlier, about 1:30 a.m., I frightened them into hiding.
Once you get a habit going they say it takes a full month to break it, and that might be true, but if the habit is getting up at the same time every night to pee, whether you really need to or not, that one is not so easy to break. And one advantage to having to make that sabbatical in the wintertime is that creepy crawlers have burrowed down or just simply died due to the frigid temperatures. I keep my house so cold at night that the creepy crawlers of the two- and four-legged variety won’t even sleep here willingly.
Spiders make me shudder. Something about their crab-like disjointed spindly eight limbs and fangs the size of small swords just creeps me out. But not to worry in the wintertime. No spiders in the wintertime. Safe in the wintertime. Wrong.
I didn’t bother with putting my feet into my pink fuzzy bunny slippers…just going right across the hall. Didn’t bother with the lights…this is my home where I’m safe and where I can walk through every room in the pitch dark and manage to step around every piece of clutter like I’ve been doing it my whole life, which I have.
In the bathroom, even in the dark, I could see that something was laying on the floor. I was in drowsy-state, but it appeared, even without my glasses on, to be a two-liter bottle cap. Never mind that there was no reason for a two-liter bottle cap to be in the bathroom floor, but stranger things have happened in this house. So I reached down and picked it up, which startled it. Who knew that plastic bottle caps could run so quickly up your arm? Who knew that I could scream so loudly that the Dachshunds would be roused from their sleep of the dead to bark crazily from their kennel?
Really, I am not sure who was more startled, me or the bottle cap. I was fiercely shaking my hand, reaching for the light switch with the other, and then wildly swatting at that eight-legged creature shaking like a leaf near my elbow, its eyes looking wickedly at me, panicked. This was probably just the sort of scenario he had been warned to avoid his whole life and thought, “Oh, it would never happen to ME!”
By the time we had reached an understanding that he would keep his fangs packed away and I would stop trying to murder him so he could just wander quietly back to the basement and his hungry, loving family waiting for him, I no longer had to pee, but my eyelids had everted themselves up under my skull somewhere and have refused ever since to reappear. I brushed him off in the toilet and said, “If you manage to get out of there, you can go home. If not, I’ll flush you in the morning.” Last time I looked the bowl was empty and I can only return to the bathroom armed with a can of Raid. Nothing to worry about, though, most likely. I am pretty sure that the trauma of the past few hours has driven him deep into hiding and his wife has already had to make an appointment with the Arachnid Psychological Center for intensive counseling. Not sure if spiders have eyelids, but I am pretty sure if they do, he will not be closing his for a long time, either.
Yes, Virginia, there are spiders in the wintertime.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Pretty, isn't she? As I was checking out this car, Vicky, she's the woman standing behind Cathi and Tracy in the photo above, drove up, and we then needed to go back up to the room to grab purses and other things, and needed to stall maybe 15 more minutes. We strolled to the front door of the hotel, and I suddenly had brain freeze and pushed the button in the elevator to take us all the way to the fifth floor instead of stopping on the second. Some might think this was enough over the top to tip Tracy that something was going on, but it wasn't. Totally expected that I would do that. I am a easily distracted.
This was the central garden where all our people were waiting. If you had to wait, to have this to look at was a good diversion!
Cards were handed out and the relaxed tone of the day was set as we all broke into a loud version of "Happy Birthday," much to the surprise, and possibly horror, of all the non-birthday princes and princesses enjoying a beautiful LA Saturday at The Getty Center.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Here's what it look like when I left my little home in Indiana:
Thursday, January 07, 2010
Christmas came and Christmas went.
New Year’s came and New Year’s went.
I made a resolution: I resolve to take as good care of myself as I do of my job. I worry about the job, but not about ME. I make sure I do an impeccable job at work yet I had a dysfunctional, rather uncomfortable living room.
So here’s what I did…first I bought a Wii console and a Wii Fit Plus exercise board for it. Love it! Then, I bought a beautiful credenza to house the yet-bought big TV I promised myself. Once the credenza was delivered, well, I am sure by now you know where this is going, I bought a 47-inch flat screen television.
Once all that stuff was here, Don helped me rearrange the living room, the credenza was fitted with the TV and the TV was fitted with a Wii system, a new DVD player, and a nice little surround sound speaker system.
I took a picture before it was all finished. Here it is:
After my bank account recovers and I am back into a size eight jeans, I intend to have a comfy new recliner and a new sofa that I can lay on after my Wii Fit Plus workout and a couple of games of Wii bowling or tennis and fall asleep in front of my new TV.
So now you see why I have been MIA. It drives me pretty insane to have electronics that I have not finished setting up or broken in properly. I get pretty preoccupied with it.
Tonight, though, as it snows pumas and dingoes, I have taken a breath and given the Dell a chance to rejoin the family!
Happy New Year! May 2010 find you healthy and happy!